A Matter of Vibes




What is self-love?

Part One: A Matter of Vibes

Part Two: Positive Lifestyle Habits

Part Three: Make Yourself a Priority

Part Four: Accepting Yourself

Part Five: Manifesting Goals: Mind Work

Part Six: Manifesting Goals: Taking Action

Part Seven: Pain and Purpose

About the author


Mum, I dedicate this book to you. Our life has been tough, but with your strength, faith and perseverance, you’ve made incredible things happen for us.

Regardless of everything that came your way and all the times I’ve let you down, you’ve shown me nothing but unconditional love. It was this love that led to the sacrifices that you made, and it was this love that kept me smiling. You forgave, you hugged, you laughed, you inspired, you encouraged, you healed, and you did everything else in your power to demonstrate that with love, anything was possible. Which is why I’m here today, passing on my love to others, through my words.

And Dad – of course, my existence would not be possible without you. Although I never got to know you properly, I’ve always felt your energy guiding me when I needed it most. I know how much I meant to you when I was born. I hope you’re proud of me.

Finally, I’d like to dedicate this book to anyone with a dream, whether that’s a dream just to survive, or to make it through a dark day. It was my dream to write a book that will positively change lives across the world. If I can make it happen, so can you. I believe in you – I hope you do, too.


‘Be better than who I was yesterday.’

What is self-love?

To achieve a sense of peace, we need balance: balance between work and play, between action and patience, spending and saving, laughter and seriousness, leaving and staying. Failing to achieve a balance across every area of your life can leave you feeling exhausted, among many other unpleasant emotions, such as guilt.

Here’s an example of balancing action and patience. If you’re the project leader of a final-year university assignment and you catch a team member who you like on social media instead of helping your team, you may allow it to slide. If they do it on multiple occasions and you notice their productivity slipping, you may warn them that if it persists, you’ll have to report them to your course leader. If they then choose to ignore you and continue their behaviour, would you feel guilty about taking further action?

If you’re a kind and compassionate human being, you may fear hurting their feelings and getting them in trouble. By reporting them to the course leader, they may have to face severe consequences that affect their final grade and that might have implications on their future. However, they’re disrespecting you and ignoring your warnings. You may feel like they’re taking your kindness for granted. And you might worry that other project members will be disheartened if they see your lenience as favoritism.

In this instance, if you’re kind and honest, and follow a fair process, you needn’t feel guilty for taking further action.

It’s important to recognize that it’s not unjust to let go of those who show no concern for you.

As project leader, you can remember that you tried your best, and unfortunately, your friend chose not to respond. If you don’t take action, you risk losing your inner peace, the respect of your team and harming your own final grade.

By taking a balanced approach, you can feel more at ease and avoid any bad feelings, such as guilt. You demonstrate both action and patience. You can show that you’re understanding and forgiving, and also firm and authoritative. The chances are that even if this student is upset by your decision, they will still respect you for giving them a chance.

Self-love is the balance between accepting yourself as you are while knowing you deserve better, and then working towards it.

So, what does this have to do with self-love? Well, the phrase ‘self-love’ is often misunderstood. Self-love encourages acceptance, but many people use this as an excuse to remain unchallenged. In fact, self-love consists of two essential elements that must be balanced if one wishes to live a harmonious life.

The first element encourages unconditional love towards yourself. The focus is on mindset. The truth is, you won’t love yourself more if, for example, you lose or gain weight, or undergo cosmetic surgery. You may feel more confident, sure. But true self-love is when you appreciate where you are and who you are, regardless of any transformation you aspire to.

The second element encourages growth, and the focus is on taking action. Improving yourself and your life is also self-love because it means you recognize that you deserve more than settling for mediocrity.

When it comes to self-love, think about what it means to love others unconditionally. For example, your partner may have annoying habits, but this doesn’t mean you love them any less.

You accept them as they are, and sometimes even learn from their flaws. You also want what’s best for them. Therefore, if a particular habit were affecting their health, you’d support them in making positive changes. This demonstrates your unconditional love for them. You don’t judge them harshly, but you do want them to be the best version of themselves – for their own sake. Self-love is about applying this to yourself: having your own best interests at heart.

True self-love can be present in anything that adds value to your life, from your diet to your spiritual rituals or the way you interact within your personal relationships. And, of course, a significant aspect of self-love is acceptance: being content with who you are, as you are. As a result, self-love is empowerment and liberation.

An understanding of self-love allows us to find balance between mindset and action. Without balance we’ll regularly stumble, fall and feel lost. When you love yourself, life will begin to love you back.

The balance between mindset and action will enable you to vibrate higher. We’ll explore this further in the next few chapters.


A Matter of Vibes


My time at university was a financial struggle. Although I’d been given a student loan, most of it went on my accommodation. I had very little to live on. I couldn’t buy any course books because I couldn’t afford them. I wouldn’t ask my mum for money, because I knew she was struggling herself. I knew that if I did ask her, she’d somehow find the money for me as she had done her whole life, even if it meant that she couldn’t eat.

For the most part I budgeted well. I could go out and party with my friends regularly, I never went hungry, and I didn’t have to keep wearing the same clothes. I made a little money from online endeavours, like building customized page layouts on MySpace.

During one summer term I returned home for a break. I had no money left and everything felt hard. I didn’t want to go back to university because I didn’t enjoy the work and I had no motivation to complete my summer assignments. Having spent much of the year studying, I was forced to find a summer job so I’d be able stay afloat when I got back to university. All of my friends were planning a much-needed holiday together, and I couldn’t afford to go. And I was having problems with a girl. The drama I was experiencing in my romantic and platonic relationships constantly angered me, and I didn’t feel good about life.

One evening, I came across a book called The Secret. People were saying it was changing their lives, and that everyone could benefit from it. It was founded on a simple principle: the Law of Attraction.

The premise of the Law of Attraction is that what you think about, you bring about. In other words, we can attract the things we want in our lives by committing our thoughts to them. This applies to the things you don’t want, as well as to the things you do want; quite simply, whatever you focus on will be returned to you. So, the Law of Attraction stresses the importance of thinking about what you want, rather than focusing on things you fear or dread.

The Law of Attraction places great emphasis on positive thinking.

To me, it sounded too good to be true, so I began to do more research and I read about people who were claiming that the Law of Attraction was bringing them astonishing changes. Could I apply this to my life, too?

I knew exactly what I wanted: to go on holiday with my friends. I needed roughly £500 for this to happen. So I followed the general guidelines and tried to be as positive as I could.

A week or so later, I received a letter from the tax office saying that I may have paid too much tax. Was this a sign that the Law of Attraction was working? I filled out the form to provide them with further details and posted it back to them as soon as I could. A week went by and I heard nothing. My friends were getting ready to book their holiday, and I felt miserable that I wouldn’t be able to join them. The potential of a tax rebate lingered in the back of my mind.

With growing frustration, I rang the tax office and asked them if they’d received my letter. They confirmed that they had, and that I’d hear back soon. At this point, I felt excited – but I was running out of time. The summer term was ending and my friends would be going away soon.

Another week went by and I still hadn’t received anything. I was starting to give up on the idea and told my friends to book the holiday without me. I decided to focus elsewhere and lift my mood by reading motivational material. At least this would make me feel a little bit better about life.

A few more days passed, then an envelope from the tax office arrived. I opened it nervously. Inside was a cheque for £800. I was shocked, overwhelmed and overjoyed. I got myself to the bank as fast as I could to deposit the cheque.

Cheques usually take up to five days to clear, but this one was in my account within three days.

The following Monday my friends and I booked a last-minute holiday and flew out four days later. I had a wonderful time. But, more importantly, I became a believer in the Law of Attraction.

I decided that I was going to use this to change my entire life.

There’s something missing from the Law of Attraction

For the Law of Attraction to work, you have to think positively. However, it’s difficult to stay positive all the time. When things go wrong in life, or they don’t quite turn out how we expect, it’s hard to remain optimistic.

Most people saw me as a positive individual. But when things got hard, I was far from it. Anger had always got the better of me. Sometimes, external events would create so much rage within me that I’d want to wreck everything in sight.

As a result, I’d enter a downward spiral. I fluctuated constantly from highs to extreme lows. I was like two different people. These inconsistencies were projected onto my life. I’d go through some really good periods and then experience really bad ones. During the bad times, it was impossible to see the bright side of things. I tended to give in and take out my frustrations on the world by smashing up furniture, speaking rudely to others and moaning about how terrible it was to live in the world.

During my last year of university, I experienced a massive setback in a group project that counted for a significant percentage of my final grade, when my group became divided over how much of a contribution people were making. I tried to be optimistic about it and expected it to work out in the end. But it didn’t – it got really messy.

It suddenly seemed clear that the Law of Attraction didn’t always work. My group was completely divided, arguing constantly over our individual roles and how much effort each member was putting in, just months before graduation.

Things got out of control and harsh words were exchanged; unfortunately, there was no way to fix the issue. My friend Darryl and I felt that we were treated very unfairly, but there wasn’t much we could do about it, other than work ten times harder, with looming deadlines that seemed impossible to meet, especially on top of the rest of our workload. We were convinced we’d fail our assignments and exams, and therefore be unable to graduate. It felt like we’d wasted our entire time at university.

I had gone to university because I felt like I had to. It was what you were supposed to do if you wanted a good job and a comfortable life – which I hadn’t experienced during my childhood. But deep down I didn’t really want to be there. I didn’t enjoy it. I always knew I wouldn’t end up in a traditional job. I was doing this for my mum more than anything. I’d watched her struggle my whole life and wanted to show her it hadn’t been in vain.

Now that I was so close to the finish line, it was all going to be taken away from me. All I could think about was letting my mum down, letting myself down and all the money wasted on a degree that I was going to fail. It was all for nothing. I was overcome by negative thoughts.

I told my mum I was going to leave university, as I had no reason to be there. I hated it and it was unfair what I was going through. My rage needed a scapegoat, so I blamed her for everything. Lovingly, she tried to convince me to stay and do the best I could, but in anger I only argued with her even more.

I was fed up with the endless problems and I wanted to leave everything behind. I had no reason to live and no purpose in life. My low state even led me to revisit some of my worst memories, which just added more fuel to the fire, convincing me that my life was worthless. What was the point in having dreams if I could never manifest them? I convinced myself I was living a lie and kidding myself that I could do big things.

It seemed clear right then: great things were never meant for me. So I trawled through employment websites and applied for a variety of jobs that looked fairly interesting and paid well, even though I wasn’t qualified for them. I thought that if I could land one, I wouldn’t seem like a complete failure and would at least have some money to help out my family with their debt, bills and expenses, including my sisters’ weddings. In my covering letters, I explained that although I was under qualified, I’d be the perfect employee. No one responded.

Underneath it all, I knew I couldn’t quit university when I’d already come so far. I’d expended so much energy trying to find a way out of the problem, but now it was time to face what had to be done and hope for the best.

But first I had my eldest sister’s wedding to attend. This added more pressure. It meant that I’d have to hand in an assignment earlier than everyone else and take time off university just two months before my final deadlines, which would set me back even more. Stubbornly, I told my family that I couldn’t go to the wedding, even though I knew I’d forever regret missing such an important event. In the end I did go – albeit reluctantly.

And soon as I got there, something unexpected happened. I felt calm and relaxed. The wedding was in Goa, India, and it was beautiful. Everyone there was shining bright with happiness and love for my sister and her new husband. Honestly, at this point I wasn’t trying to feel positive. I was comfortable feeling down and feeling sorry for myself, and I wanted others to feel sorry for me, too. But this new environment created a welcome shift in me. For the first time in ages, I felt grateful.

I’ll always remember my sister’s wedding. And it taught me a lot about how the Universe operates.

On my return home, the positive feeling stayed with me. I felt good, and very calm about the chaos outside me. And my renewed steadiness motivated me to finish what needed to be done.

I created a dummy score card that displayed the overall mark I would receive for my degree. I’d stare at this for a few minutes each day while pretending that the impressive grade on the scorecard was real. I didn’t quite believe that I’d achieve it; it was merely a desire. But I did believe that I would do well, nonetheless.

I made up my mind to go to the library every single day, for hours on end. I put in the huge amount of extra work needed to complete the group assignment, and more. During my breaks I took time to chat with positive people who were able to make me feel good about myself.

One of them was the woman I’d eventually fall in love with for life.

When it came to exam time, handing in assignments and doing final year presentations, I was confident that I’d done enough. As it turned out, I didn’t quite get the marks that were on my dummy score card, but I did pass comfortably. And I aced one of the hardest exams on my course, which came as a surprise.

I went on to have similar successes by using the Law of Attraction. But, overall, the results were hit and miss. I knew I was missing something. When I found out what this was, I began to have more consistent success. I was able to test this on others, to see if they’d also benefit from my discovery – and they did. In fact, many of them were able to do things that had once seemed impossible.

Not everything I’ve wanted has manifested. This has usually been a blessing in disguise. Too many times I’ve believed that I wanted and needed something, but it was for all the wrong reasons. Over the years I’ve gained clarity and sighed with relief for not getting what I thought was surely meant for me. Often, I’ve not got what I wanted, only to find I’ve later been blessed with even more.

The Law of Vibration

The Universe responds to your vibration.

It will return whatever energy you put out.

Beyond the Law of Attraction is the Law of Vibration. It’s the key component to a greater life. Once you learn and apply the ideas around this law, your life will transform. This isn’t to say that you’ll avoid all difficulties. What you will do, though, is find a way to take control and create a life that feels just as good as it looks.

One of the earliest authors of self-improvement literature is Napoleon Hill. His 1937 book Think and Grow Rich remains one of the bestselling books of all time, and many of the world’s entrepreneurial gurus praise its guidance to achieving success. Hill’s research for his book included interviews with 500 successful men and women to find out what they’d done to attain their success –he then shared the wisdom he’d accumulated from them. Among his conclusions, he claimed: ‘We are what we are, because of the vibrations of thought which we pick up and register, through the stimuli of our daily environment.’ Hill makes many references to the concept of ‘vibration’ in his book, and you’ll see the word ‘vibration’ (today commonly abbreviated to ‘vibe’) a number of times in my book, too.

Yet many later editions of Hill’s book removed any mention of the word ‘vibration’. Perhaps the publishers didn’t believe the world was ready for Hill’s concept. Even today, metaphysical laws related to vibration are under criticism due to a lack of scientific evidence. Despite this, there have been a number of attempts to explain the Law of Vibration. Scientists Dr Bruce Lipton and author Gregg Braden are among those at the forefront of bridging the gap between science and spirituality.  Their ideas on how our thoughts affect our lives support the concept suggested by the Law of Vibration, even if some believe it to be no more than modern pseudoscience.

Regardless, I for one have found that the Law of Vibration resonates deeply with me, and helps me make sense of life – and I know many others have discovered this, too. I’ve seen miraculous changes occur from using the Law of Vibration, and whether you become a believer or remain on the other side of the fence, throughout this book you’ll learn that the Law of Vibration does no harm. Sometimes, first-hand experience is more valuable than any data measurable in numbers and graphs.

So what is the Law of Vibration?

To begin with, remember that everything is made up of atoms, and every atom is a little vibration. Therefore all matter and energy is vibrational by nature.

If you think back to school, you were taught that solids, liquids and gases are all different states of matter. The frequency of the vibrations at a molecular level defines what state they’re in and how they appear to us.

Reality as we perceive it occurs through matching vibrations. In other words, for reality to be perceived, we have to be vibrationally compatible with it. The human ear, for example, will only hear sound waves that are between 20 and 20,000 vibrations per second. This doesn’t mean that other sound waves don’t exist; we just can’t perceive them. When a dog whistle is blown, the frequency is above the vibrational range of the human ear and therefore doesn’t exist to us.

In his book The Vibrational Universe, spiritual author Kenneth James Michael MacLean writes that our five senses, our thoughts, as well as matter and energy, are all vibrational. He argues that reality is perception defined by vibrational interpretation. Our Universe is clearly a deep-sea of vibrational frequencies, meaning that reality is a vibrational ether that’s responsive to changes in vibration.

If the Universe is responsive to our thoughts, words, feelings and actions – because, according to MacLean, they’re all vibrational – then it’s assumed by the Law of Vibration that we can control our reality.

Change the way you think, feel, speak and act, and you begin to change your world.

To bring an idea into existence, or rather, into your perception, you must match its vibrational frequency. The more ‘real’ or solid something is to you, the closer you are to it vibrationally. This is why when you truly believe in something and act as if it were already true, you increase the chances of it coming to you in your physical reality.

To receive or perceive the reality you wish to have, you must be in energetic harmony with that which you desire. This means that our thoughts, emotions, words and actions must align with what we want.

This can be represented by taking two tuning forks that are calibrated to the same frequency. If you strike one of them so that it starts vibrating, the second fork will also vibrate while remaining untouched. The vibration from the struck tuning fork transfers to the untouched tuning fork because they’re attuned to the same frequency: they’re in vibrational harmony. If they’re not in vibrational harmony, then the vibration of the struck tuning fork will not translate to the other.

Similarly, to listen to a specific radio station you have to tune the receiver to the frequency of that station. This is the only way you can hear it. If you tune in to a different frequency, you’ll end up listening to a completely different station.

Once you’re in vibrational resonance with something, you begin to attract it into your reality. The best way to identify what frequency you’re on is through your emotions – your emotions show a true reflection of your energy. Sometimes we can believe we’re in a positive state of mind or taking good actions, but deep down we know we’re not; we’re just pretending. If we pay attention to our emotions, we can see the true nature of our vibration and therefore what we’re attracting into our life. If we feel good, we’ll think good thoughts, and as a result we’ll take positive actions.

Good Vibes Only

Good vibes are simply higher states of vibration.

The terms good and positive are used interchangeably to describe something desirable. For example, every time you label a past event as a good or positive experience, you’re referring to it in this way because it went as you’d hoped – or at least not as badly as it could have.

Essentially, you want the things you want because they make you feel good. All of life’s desires are pursued to bring about a pleasurable emotional state and to avoid displeasure. Most of us believe that attaining our desires will lead to happiness.

Given that emotion is one of the most powerful vibrations you can control, and, fundamentally, positive emotions are what we’re in search of, we can infer that our quest in life is to experience good vibrations. Think about it: when you feel good, your life also appears to be good. If you could continuously experience good vibes, you’d always view your life in a positive light.

Physician Dr Hans Jenny is known for coining the term ‘cymatics’, which is the study of visible sound and vibration. One of his best-known experiments shows the effect of sound on sand sprinkled onto on a flat metal plate that’s made to vibrate at different frequencies by stroking a violin bow against its edge. Various patterns are formed depending on the different frequencies. At higher vibrations, beautifully intricate patterns are formed; lower vibrations produce less appealing shapes. A higher vibration, then, creates more enjoyable effects.

Ideally, we want to feel as loving and joyful as we can in life. These are the highest-vibrating feelings, and will help us manifest more of what we want – and, by extension, more good vibrations. In contrast, feelings of hatred, anger and despair have a very low vibration. They’ll attract more of what we don’t want.

Based on the principle of the Law of Vibration, to receive good vibes we must project good vibes. As transmitters and receivers of vibrational frequencies, the vibrations we put out are always pulling in stuff that’s vibrating at a similar frequency to us. This means the feelings we put out into the Universe will be returned to us through matching vibrations. So, if you send out feelings of joy, then you’ll be given more things to feel joyful about. The common misconception is that you’ll feel good only once you have what you want. The truth is that you can feel good right now.

The feelings we project are returned on a like-for-like basis through our experiences.

Ultimately, self-love and raising the level of your vibration go hand in hand. When you make an effort to raise your vibration, you show yourself the love and care you deserve. You’ll feel good and attract good. By taking positive actions and changing your mindset, you’ll manifest greater things. By loving yourself, you’ll live a life you love.


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