Pain and Purpose


Pain and Purpose


Life doesn’t battle you because you’re weak, it battles you because you’re strong. It knows that if it gives you pain, you’ll realize your power.

The great Greek philosopher Aristotle claimed that everything happens for a reason. You can apply this when you consider that every experience in your life is designed to shape you and help you grow into the highest and mightiest version of yourself. This means that even a negative experience can be seen as an opportunity for growth, rather than a time for suffering. (This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t grieve or feel down when we do go through painful life experiences, and it’s important to give yourself time to heal after such events.) If you always play the victim when something goes wrong, life will always treat you like one. Don’t let your circumstances define your future.

Aristotle’s belief may make people think, ‘Yes! I feel that!’, give them hope or slightly annoy them. I understand why some might find the phrase irritating; when someone goes through a horrific experience it’s very difficult to see reason for it. All they feel is pain, and they may feel that by saying this, you’re demonstrating your ignorance about their situation.

However, the majority of us go through at least one period in our lives that we find very tough. So we can relate to someone’s low points to some extent, even if we don’t understand them exactly, because we have felt low ourselves.

Sometimes we just have to believe there’s a good reason behind it that will reveal itself to us when we’re ready to acknowledge it.

A schoolteacher of mine once told me a story about how his brother missed the last train from the town he was studying in to go home for the holiday season. When the brother missed the train, he was devastated and angry with himself.

However, later that evening he learned that train he was meant to have taken had tragically crashed and nearly all the passengers had died. Upon hearing this, he thanked God for saving him from what could have been his last breath, and he said, ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ I’m sure the friends and family of the deceased passengers wouldn’t have agreed, but from the brother’s perspective the phrase made perfect sense.

Just because you can’t see the point behind a challenging time, doesn’t mean there isn’t one.

If it hadn’t been for my father’s death early in my life, I wouldn’t be sitting here trying to inspire people; I’d have entirely different stories to tell because my experiences would’ve been different. This doesn’t make the fact that he’s gone any better; with my father around, I might have avoided many of my hardships. But the phrase gives you an empowering perspective so you can move forward with your life.

The past cannot be changed; only our perception of it can. By creating this shift in mindset, we start to trust that everything that happens to us also happens for us. As we begin to change our perception to a positive one, our life improves. If we don’t change it, we lose our joy and are consigned to low vibrational states.

Pain changes people

Life will test you just before it will bless you.

Some of the best changes in life result from the most painful experiences. We need to experience low points in our life in order to gain the wisdom, strength and knowledge we need to appreciate the high points.

When we experience low points on our journey towards change, life can feel confusing and challenging. It’s extremely difficult to trust the process and to have faith that good things will follow. But we need to remember that, using the lessons we learn along the way, we can make better choices going forward. If you’ve had your heart broken before, you might decide to pay more attention when picking a partner. This might lead you down the path to finding your soulmate – someone who treats you much better than anyone ever has before.

Every choice you make leads to more choices. As you go about your day-to-day life, remember that if you make just one different choice, you may experience a completely different day. Imagine a boy going to meet a girl at the cinema for their first date. The boy decides to eat something before he goes, and consequently his stomach becomes unsettled. He then has to visit the bathroom and ends up leaving late for the date. The girl gets tired of waiting and leaves the cinema a few minutes before he arrives.

As he arrives at the cinema and realizes that she’s gone, he heads back home, only to bump accidentally into a girl whom he has an instant attraction to. Now imagine they both get talking, fall in love, get married and have kids. All this occurs purely because he missed his actual date.

Everything is connected. If something tragic has happened in your past, think of something good that’s happened recently – they’re linked. That first event somehow created different choices in you, which led to you experiencing something good.

Sometimes we have to take a look back at the events in our life and start connecting the dots. There was probably a reason for each occurrence. If we look carefully, things might start making sense. If they do, surely we can be certain that all future events, whether they bring us pain or pleasure, have a purpose.

Lessons will repeat themselves

Life conditions you. It swings at you, it kicks you while you’re down and it stamps on you. And yet you survive and walk around as the new and improved version of yourself. Because the challenges that some people still find hard, you have overcome.

The next time you pray for your situation to change, realize that you’re in that situation so that you can change. Life provides us with lessons that we can handle and that will bring out the best in us. It then tests us to make sure we’ve learned our lesson. Some of these tests are cruel and some are quite lenient.

Occasionally we experience the same obstacles over and over again, because we still have learning to do. It might be that we haven’t learned our lesson properly. The best way to confirm if someone has learned their lesson is to test them more than once, further down the line. I could give you a lesson now, and as it would still be fresh in your mind, you’d probably be able to pass a test on it quite easily.

However, if I gave you the same test a few months later, it would be more challenging. This would be a true test of whether or not you have understood what you’ve been taught. For example, if you rush a relationship with someone you hardly know and then end up getting hurt, the lesson might be that you need to get to know someone before you jump into a relationship with them.

Just saying that you’ve learned your lesson is not always enough – you have to prove it.

So the Universe might then introduce you to someone else, someone who has irresistible charm. To prove that you’ve learned your lesson, you have to show it. If you jump into another relationship quickly, then there’s a chance you might get hurt again. While you should take this example lightly, I hope you can see that sometimes we’re given the same test more than once, and it can be even harder the second or third time round.

Notice the warning signs

You don’t get into a car immediately worrying that you’re going to have a crash. That would be a very fearful way to live life and it would drive you insane. However, you could still take measures, such as wearing a seatbelt, to prevent serious injury if an accident did happen. This action, too, may result from fear, but this is why fear exists: to protect us from danger.

If you caused a car accident because you consumed too much alcohol but you survived, it would be even more irresponsible for you to do it again. If you did, you’d be volunteering for another accident, which could potentially lead to your death. In other words, you’re ignoring the lesson and suggesting to the Universe that you should receive that lesson again.

So pay attention to the warning signs. You’re always being guided by the Universe to live authentically and purposefully, and to experience the greater things in life. But if something doesn’t go the way you wanted, ask yourself what you can learn from it – because every bad experience has a learning outcome to be taken on board. Ask yourself what changes you need to make. And don’t mask unhealthy choices with optimism when you know they’re not right, or let emotional cravings and temporary comfort inspire you to venture for more pain.

If you keep taking a bite out of the cake that harmed you, you no longer fall victim to it, you become a hungry volunteer.

Your higher purpose

You came here loaded with potential, ability, gifts, wisdom, love and intelligence to share with the world. You are here to make the world a better place. You have a purpose, and until you start living it you will have a void inside of you; a feeling you can’t quite explain, but that knows that you are meant for more.

I believe that everyone has a purpose in life: a purpose to be of service to the world. This purpose, along with the experience of unconditional love and joy, is the reason for our existence. Purpose provides us with meaning.

Most of us find it difficult to identify what our true purpose is. Others have a feeling that they know what it is, but are often forced to conform to society’s norms and reject their real purpose in the name of practicality.

Think of a soccer ball. The purpose of this ball is to be kicked. If the ball just sits there doing nothing in the corner of a room, its purpose is being ignored – however, it doesn’t care, because it has no soul. Imagine now that the ball has a soul, giving the ball self-awareness. If the ball stayed sitting in the corner of the room, it would have a strange feeling inside of it, like something was missing. The ball may never find fulfilment because it would probably feel as if it hasn’t shown the world its true worth.

Now imagine someone finally picks up the ball and decides to throw it around. As the ball glides through the air, it feels ecstatic. But moments later, the ball feels a void inside itself again, because although it had fun, it wasn’t enough.

The ball might then be used in a variety of ways, seeing plenty of action but still feel unfulfilled. The ball assumes that the more events that occur in its life, the closer it’ll come to fulfilment. But the more events it experiences, the more this idea is disproved.

Until one day, when the ball is kicked. In this moment, everything makes sense to the ball. It understands what it was designed for: it was supposed to be kicked. It looks back at the events that have already taken place and starts connecting the dots. When it was being moved through the air, and when it felt someone applying pressure to it, it experienced feelings of excitement that related to its purpose. The ball now knows what it’s been searching for all along.

We gain a modicum of satisfaction from applying ourselves to roles that aren’t our own profound purpose, but rarely do we have lasting satisfaction. That’s not to say that you can’t experience joy – after all, we can always raise our vibration. But we can only feel ultimate fulfilment if we meet the purpose we were made for.

You may find the idea of having a higher purpose to be far-fetched, but if you found a smartphone in the middle of a field, you’d assume that someone had dropped it there. You wouldn’t think that something so complex was formed naturally by events in nature, over millions of years, without having a designer. Yet we believe the whole human race, which is far more complex than a smartphone, was produced by a series of mutations and survival of the fittest.

Many of us seem to accept that we have no purpose in life, and that we’re each just another human being in this Universe of billions upon billions of galaxies. However, just like a smartphone, there must surely be a purpose in your existence.

When people go through their lives without really believing in a higher purpose, they’re not making the most of their existence.

These individuals could go through their whole life just trying to make ends meet. Their purpose in life will always be driven by daily survival, the need to pay the next bill. Of course, bills do matter. We need to pay for food, water, shelter, clothing and utilities. But do you honestly believe you were put on this planet just to exist in such a manner and then die? Do you truly believe that life is simply about making money?

Life is greater if you live with purpose. When you find a meaningful reason for doing what you do, you will feel complete.

Just like I used to, many people spend their days working at a job that means nothing to them and living for their two days of freedom each week. During those two days, they’ll either do very little or go on a spending spree to make the most of that freedom – as I did by going to a club every weekend. Every week they’ll look forward to those two days, wishing their precious time away because they want their time away from work – their ‘free time’ – to come quicker. The result is that a whole life can go by in a flash.

Life is often difficult and money does give us much more freedom. Nevertheless, have faith that you can serve a purpose for humankind and also meet your financial needs. This purpose doesn’t have to be something huge – you don’t have to be the next Dalai Lama or even the next Mark Zuckerberg. However, you must seek to add value, and the only way to do this is by doing something you enjoy with all of your heart. This is why passion plays such a big part in living a great life.

Not everyone knows what they’re passionate about. Spiritual medium Darryl Anka claims to channel a being known as Bashar, who advises that following your ‘excitement’ is the shortest path to realizing what you want; your next step should always be the one you find most exciting. You don’t need to justify it, says Bashar, you just need to do it.

So take action on whatever it is that truly excites you. Make sure you don’t choose something that you label as exciting because you can’t think of anything else, or because you think other people will see it as exciting.

The things that you’re naturally drawn towards aren’t random; they’re picking you out in the same way that you’re pursuing them. It really is as simple as this.

So don’t overcomplicate it by thinking that you need to have it all figured out. And don’t be dishonest with yourself and force action on something you feel is unfeasible. For example, if you really like drawing, you could start by creating a website or social media account and sharing some of your work with the world. Don’t try to sell your drawings for thousands of pounds right away, particularly if this seems like a long shot to you at this stage. It should be something you’re willing to do for free, without any expectation, because it’s something you’re truly passionate about. If it doesn’t excite you, it’s not right for you.

You don’t immediately need to quit your current commitments and put your financial obligations at risk. What this does mean, though, is that you need to stay curious, stay hungry for positive change, and keep taking steps towards the things that stimulate your mind, body and soul.

Don’t worry about which step to take next, or how things will unfold for you. Remember, if you show your excitement to the Universe, it will give you more things to feel excited about. Wondrous opportunities will follow and help you to discover your path in life, as long as you act on the signs.

Small steps are fine, because they’ll lead to bigger things. Eventually you’ll work out a way to make your passion your paycheque. This could be an extension of what you’re already doing or, if you’re in a profession you dislike, it means you’ll eventually be able to give it up and commit to your purpose full-time.

You were created with intention. You are here to help, love, assist, save and entertain. You are here to inspire and put a smile on someone’s face. You are here to make a difference. You wouldn’t be on this planet, at this time, if you didn’t have something to offer.

There is a purpose behind your existence, and when you discover what it is, you will not only change the dynamics of the world, but also experience abundance in all areas of your life.

Money and greed

Money is merely energy – neither good nor bad, and unlimited in our infinitely abundant Universe. Make money to assist you, not to complete you.

Sometimes, people feel that it’s wrong to make money by living their purpose, so let’s take a moment to define what money really is. Before you say it’s a token used to complete a transaction for goods or services, or anything along those lines, let me stop you. Money is simply energy!

Therefore, money is neither good nor bad. The label you give it is up to you, and the way we interpret money depends on how we attract positive situations or negative situations regarding money.

There are people who do great things with their money, while the way others use it can reflect the misery inside their minds. Money is simply an amplifier. If you’re not trying to create value by spreading kindness and love when you have very little money, what makes you think you’re going to do that when you have more of it?

Money flows to those who believe they deserve it and can attain it. Let me ask you right now, what are your views on money? Do you believe you deserve to have more money? Your subconscious thoughts and feelings on money will reveal a lot about your current reality and the one you’ll experience if these perceptions stay the same.

Some say that money is the root of all evil, yet they still pray for it. That’s like going to a Burger King, making an order then walking out before you’ve even been handed your meal. How can the Universe deliver a request you’ve already cancelled?

Some of us feel bad for wanting more money; we’re told we’re being greedy. Truthfully, most of us want money so that we can experience financial freedom and live our most desired lifestyles without restriction. This might include wanting to go on holiday with your loved ones whenever you want, and not having to worry about how much you spend while you’re away. If you perceive this as greed because others will never get to live that lifestyle, you’re assuming that a) the supply of money is limited and b) others will never break away from their current lifestyles to experience the same level of freedom.

Greed works on the basis that there’s a limited supply of a particular thing and that you want the majority, which will consequently be at the expense of another person’s wellbeing.

We are led to believe that there is only ever a limited supply of what we want, yet the truth is that abundance is infinitely available and provided by the Universe.

Limitation, then, is only a product of your mind. When your mentality is focused on what you lack, you project a fear-based vibration out into the Universe, which brings you more things to be scared about. You become scared to lose money, so you guard it closely. You become afraid to spend it, because you don’t know if you’ll have that much money again. As a result, even though you’re trying your best to hold on to your money, your vibration may create an avenue to financial difficulties.

When we commit our energy to poverty, we manifest poverty. I’m not saying you shouldn’t save your money, or that you should just throw it away. However, you should focus your mind on prosperity – there’s power in believing and allowing wealth to flow to you.

Too often we’re sold ideas around lack and limitation, when the truth is that we have creative power and control over our circumstances. When individuals can inject fear into the masses, the overall vibration of the collective consciousness projects yet more fear, poverty and destruction. It’s an effective way to control humankind.

Money is readily available to everyone, and the distance between you and money is determined only by your attitude towards it. Remember, though, that money will only assist you, not complete you. It’s not what gives you your life purpose. You can’t add value to the world and serve others by accumulating lots of money. You must also have the desire to make a difference.

Achieving true happiness

Happiness doesn’t come from other people, from places or things. It comes from within.

I’ve deliberately minimized the use of the word ‘happiness’ throughout the book so that I could leave it right until the end. I hope you can see that by raising your vibration and having feelings of joy, you’re actually experiencing happiness.

We’re led to believe that happiness is based on external influences: people, places or things. We have all these goals and desires in life, believing that once we achieve them, we’ll be happy forever: when we find someone to love, we’ll be happy; when we get our own house, we’ll be happy; when we lose 20 pounds, we’ll be happy. These may give you temporary happiness but this is fleeting – it doesn’t stay with you. So once you acquire these things, you carry on pursuing lasting happiness from other external things.

Money, for example, is frequently linked to happiness and even success. But you’ll learn from the richest people in the world that even with lots of money you can still experience sadness. If money was used to measure happiness and success, at what point would the scale begin and end? After all, numbers never end. You can easily want more and more, even once you identify your target. So you can’t use it as a tool for measurement.

I explained at the beginning of this book that we pursue things because we believe they’ll make us happy when we get them. The same applies to the money we want: we don’t want the money itself, but we do want the security and freedom it will give us, because we believe that this will make us happy.

But if you were the only person on the planet and you had unlimited access to money, how useful would this be? How about being able to afford any holiday or crazy adventure you wanted, but having extremely poor health? What about being able to buy all that you ever wanted, but being neglected by the entire world? Or even being given an unlimited supply of money while working in the worst job ever, 20 hours a day?

Even your ideal partner has no control over your lasting happiness. They can only affect your relative happiness, which can vanish in seconds if external conditions change – if your partner acts in a way that you perceive as hurtful, for example.

The advertising industry is skilled at toying with your happiness because it preys on the knowledge that all of us want to be happy. ‘Buy this and you’ll be happy,’ it says. You buy it, and then six months down the line they release a new version. You then realize that the previous product failed to give you long-lasting happiness, so you buy the new one in the hope that it will instead. The cycle repeats.

What if you could feel happy all the time? Isn’t this the ultimate goal? It would mean that you’re happy with what you’ve got at any moment – for the rest of your life. We could then say that lasting happiness is what true success looks like.

This is what true happiness is. It’s lasting and it occurs when you remain at the highest frequency, despite everything that’s happening at the surface level of your life. I believe that this is the place we all want to be at; where people and events are unable to change our emotional state from our natural state of love and joy.

To sustain happiness, you must work towards self-mastery. It’s an inward journey that requires substantial spiritual growth. Choosing empowering thoughts over limiting ones should become your natural way of thinking. You must make it a habit to look on the bright side of things and let go of the past; to stop living in the future and appreciate where you are and what you have right now; to withdraw from comparisons, and love everything in this world without condition. Embrace what is. Be happy.

Final words

Going after a greater life is far from easy, and that’s why most people settle for less. But if you take the time to absorb what you’ve learned in this book and start acting with determination, positivity and tenacity, you won’t be one of those people. One small step at a time, you’ll build unstoppable momentum and move ever closer to the life you’ve dreamed of living.

Remember that there’s a lesson in every challenge, a lesson in every failure, which means your failures don’t have to be failures at all; they’re just twists in your path to greatness. If you commit your whole heart to achieving something and it doesn’t work out, you can take that as a promise from the Universe that it wasn’t the right thing for you. Something better is coming. Keep going.

Remember, too, to trust your instincts. Listen to that feeling in your belly that warns you about a toxic relationship. Listen to that voice in your head that lets you know when you’re wasting your time. Respect your personal boundaries, and ask others to respect them, too. If something doesn’t feel right, it very well might not be. And if something feels wonderfully, deeply, powerfully right, it probably is. Go with that. Let it flow.

Have faith. Let go of fear and your life will shift from ordinary to extraordinary. You’ll connect with your higher purpose – because it’s impossible not to when you’re striving with every cell of your being to travel through life with a commitment to your personal growth.

You have everything you need to create an exciting and beautiful life, and it all begins with loving yourself. By building and maintaining a high vibration, you’ll achieve your dreams. And even if it takes a long time, your high vibration will make you feel good along the way. That’s all we really want, isn’t it? To live a life that feels good.

I promise you that through dedication to loving yourself, you’ll achieve the incredible. It might not be a stroll in the park. It may take time. You might have to make sacrifices to get further on your journey. But it will be worth it.

Over to you.


Vex King is a mind coach, a writer and a lifestyle entrepreneur who fuses his natural business acumen and creative knack for the arts with a philosophical mindset, spiritual wisdom and faith in a positive attitude to achieve success.

As an optimist, visionary and philanthropist, Vex is the owner and founder of the Bon Vita lifestyle brand – a platform that delivers empowering perspectives, spiritual wisdom, practical solutions, inspirational stories, life lessons and more.

Vex is using his positive influence to spread Good Vibes Only so that people can unlock their full potential and demonstrate greatness in all areas of their life.




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